remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
