Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
