So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize