a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
