this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
