Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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