I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
