This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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