I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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