I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
