I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My room smells like vodka and shame
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
