his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
