Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
