I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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