how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
