you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
