i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
