I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
