He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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