I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
