She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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