I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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