At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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