Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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