Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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