Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
