It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Someone signed my nipple.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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