I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
