I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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