i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
