dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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