shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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