You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Randomize