So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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