Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
