I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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