so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
