Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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