It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
