I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
