I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
