You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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