all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize