You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
