i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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