hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
