You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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