I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
