you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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