If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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