You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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