Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
