Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
