Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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