I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
