how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
