____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
