3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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