God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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