Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
