So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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