just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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