be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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