Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
